Sabrina Carpenter’s Sexiest ‘Man’s Best Friend’ Lyrics

Sabrina Carpenter is back with “Man’s Best Friend,” her seventh studio album that arrived on Friday in tandem with the music video for “Tears” — and as expected, the singer is in rare form across the album’s dozen tracks.

Over the course of three albums, Carpenter and cowriter Amy Allen have become almost a comedy duo with their innuendo-laden lyrics, a partnership that first (ahem) bore fruit on the “Emails I Can’t Send” album and (ahem!) came of age on “Short n’ Sweet” has (cough cough) reached full bloom on “Man’s Best Friend,” a record with no shortage of zingers and quips.

Curiously, and it may just be our dirty minds at work, many of the lyrics sound dirtier than they actually are, but as Carpenter said to Gayle King about the album on “CBS Mornings,” it’s “not for any pearl-clutchers.” Below are some highlights…

MANCHILD

Lots of clever wordplay on the album’s lead single to put down a guy who’s about as sharp as a round ball.

Why so sexy if so dumb?
And how survive the earth so long?
If I’m not there, it won’t get done
I choose to blame your mom

TEARS

Perhaps the nastiest song on the record, “Tears” barely veils the metaphor. Surprise, surprise.

I get wet at the thought of you
Being a responsible guy
Treating me like you’re supposed to do
Tears run down my thighs

MY MAN ON WILLPOWER

The subject here is a man who “fell in love with self-restraint and now it’s getting out of hand,” and Sabrina is suffering the consequences:

My man won’t touch me with a twenty-foot pole
My man’s forgotten his devotion
Where he’s gone, God only knows

SUGAR TALKING

Enough with the talking, Sabrina wants to get down to business.

Put your loving where your mouth is
Yeah your paragraphs mean shit to me
Get your sorry ass to mine

WE ALMOST BROKE UP AGAIN LAST NIGHT

It’s a familiar feeling to anyone who’s been stuck in a toxic relationship: it’s “what it is, and it’s predictable.”

And when I reached to pull the plug
I swear, it’s starts working out

NOBODY’S SON

How pissed is Sabrina about a breakup? So pissed that she’s blaming his parents for his actions. Brutal.

That boy is corrupt
Could you raise him to love me maybe?
He sure fucked me up
And yes I’m talking about your baby

NEVER GETTING LAID

There are no bad feelings for Carpenter after a breakup, only a few salty ones. On “Never Getting Laid,” she’s made peace with a guy at the end of a relationship, but she does hope that he gets banished to the isle of incels.

I just hope you get agoraphobia someday
And all your days are sunny
From your window pane
Wish you a lifetime full of happiness
And a forever of never getting laid

And, as always, some Sabrina sass:

Us girls are fun but stressful am I right?
And you’ve got a right hand anyway

WHEN DID YOU GET HOT

References to the gods abound on “When Did You Get Hot,” the ultimate glow-up anthem.

Sorry I did not see the vision
Thank the Lord, the fine you has risen

Plus, there’s nothing like a little Greek god innuendo…

Congratulations on your new improvements
I bet your light rod’s, like, bigger than Zeus’

GO GO JUICE

Ah yes, the drunk dial. Sabrina throws one back at 10 a.m. on a Tuesday to deal with a broken heart on “Go Go Juice,” which only leads to her ringing a few exes.

I’m just drinking to call someone
Ain’t nobody safe when I’m a little bit drunk

Sabrina must have known that the next few lines were gonna stoke speculation. “Could be John or Larry, gosh, who’s to say? Or the one that rhymes with ‘villain’ if I’m feeling that way.” Is John code for Shawn? What does it mean that Larry rhymes with Barry? (Does anyone know if villain rhymes with Keoghan?)

DON’T WORRY I’LL MAKE YOU WORRY

“You think that I’m gonna fuck with your head? Well you’re absolutely right,” warns Sabrina on “Don’t Worry I’ll Make You Worry.” Here are just some of the ways:

Silent treatment and humbling your ass
Well that’s some of my best work

HOUSE TOUR

You’ll have to take her word for it when she says there’s no metaphor here.

Do you want the house tour?
I could take you to the first, second, third floor
And I promise none of this is a metaphor
I just want you to come inside
Baby what’s mine is now yours
I just want you to come inside
But never enter through the back door

GOODBYE

You can’t break Sabrina’s heart, then have a change of heart, at least by her rules. This ABBA-indebted album closer leaves her in a state of extremes — “I wish I had a gun or words, if something got lost in communication” — yet she manages to filter it through a comedic lens.

Well sayonara, or adios
You’re not bilingual but you should know
Goodbye means that you’re losing me for life

Plus one last kiss-off for good measure:

I’ll say arrivederci, au revoir
Forgive my French but fuck you, ta ta