With Hulu’s hit reality series The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives back for its third season, star Layla Taylor is reflecting on her journey to the present.
The 24-year-old is the youngest in the show’s main cast of MomTok characters, a collective of Mormon TikTok-focused social media influencers. In the the three short season’s since the show premiered, Taylor has seemingly learned a great deal about herself. “I feel like I’ve come more into who I am as a person, and I’m starting to embrace me, as my authentic self,” she tells The Hollywood Reporter. “I’ve found my tribe of people in Utah that fill my cup and make me feel seen, heard and loved.”
Taylor began the show as a recently divorced, single mother of two children. In the time since, she’s dated on the show and had a personal path with her own faith. Below, Taylor speaks with THR about working on herself, opening up her life to the world and why she left the Mormon church.
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What has changed for you to get you to where you are now?
I’ve been doing a lot of self-work this last year. It takes a lot to heal from past trauma. I’m hoping that in future seasons I’m able to dive into that more deeply so people can understand why I operated the way I have in past situations. It’s taken a lot of therapy and a lot of work, but with that I’ve been able to step more into who I am and feel safe being more vulnerable, speaking up and saying what’s on my mind. When you are a little girl — and you’re taught to not cry and keep your emotions in, and not be vulnerable and open — it takes a lot of self-work to be able to work through that at a later age. I’m really proud of myself, and I’m hoping the audience can see a different side of me.
As the youngest of the cast, you are at a different point in your life than some of the women. How do you feel seeing yourself on TV has changed that dynamic for you?
My age is very obvious in some situations. It’s not typical to be in rooms where there are high-tense arguments, fights and bickering with women who have experienced more life than I have. There’s some women in this group who have six or seven years on me, and that’s a lot of experience I don’t have. But I have also dealt with a lot in my 24 years that these other women haven’t, and it’s why I handle situations the way I do. I’m starting to learn that, with time, I deserve to be heard and seen. There’s space for me to feel like I can open up and be vulnerable.
What do you think was the biggest moment for you this season, both on the show and in your personal life?
I was very proud of sharing this season that I went to a Black hairstylist and got my hair done. At first, I didn’t realize the gravity of sharing that and how impactful it would be. I grew up in a predominantly white area. For most of my life up until now, I always clung to my more white side because it felt safe — that’s what made me feel comfortable and what I thought beauty was when I was a little girl. When that’s all you see around you, you think straight hair and fairer skin is pretty. I had some pretty traumatic experiences when I was little. I attempted to bleach my skin once and you would never see my hair curly. [There] was a lot of shame around half of myself, and I think it’s because of what I didn’t see growing up. It’s no one’s fault. No one ever said comments to me. It’s just internally what I thought growing up and it’s taken a lot of work to get away from that.
I’m excited to share all that and finally embrace that part of myself. I’m hoping I can share that [for] a little girl or boy who doesn’t grow up around a lot of people that look like them. You might look different, but that’s not a bad thing. The things that make you stand out in the room are the things that make you unique and beautiful. The people that are around you are beautiful, but so are you. Your differences are what give you strength.
Working through your feelings on your own identity is a heavy thing to deal with, particularly on TV. What was your experience like involving the women of the show in that journey?
Jessi was very supportive when I first told her I was going to be switching hairstylists. She understood there wasn’t any ill intent behind it and that it was a decision about the betterment of my hair, but also a journey of self-discovery. For a long time, I would get the term “whitewashed.” That has always been a fascinating term for me. I don’t think it hit me until I watched the season back, and I did realize I was trying to conform to a certain side of myself.
I think both things can be true. I think that saying is very toxic and has a toxic connotation. I feel like if roles were reversed, it would be inappropriate to say someone was “too Black.” Just because you’re a certain race doesn’t mean that you need to fit yourself into a box. You can be exactly who you want to be, and that doesn’t have to have any correlation to your race or a product to your environment. You can be who you want to be. Whatever makes you confident. At the end of the day, all you have is yourself, and you need to do what makes you happy regardless of your environment or the color of your skin. Just be who makes you happy.
Has sharing things about your personal life, your experiences and your trauma, on a public platform become any easier for you?
No, I think it will never get easier. Even the reunion for season two, I shared things about my self-harm journey and dealing with extreme depression and anxiety my whole life; suicide and all of the things. Those are very vulnerable, hard things to share. Things for a long time that I didn’t talk about. I would use foundation to cover up the scars on my thighs, and hide that part of myself. The things I’ve gone through in my life make me who I am. By sharing my journey and what I’ve experienced, traumatic or not, I’m able to help somebody.
That’s ultimately why a lot of the women on the show are so vulnerable and open about what we’ve gone through. A lot of us have felt very alone and isolated in these situations. By being open, we’re able to help one person feel less alone, and feel like somebody that can relate to who and understands what [they’re] going through.
How do you feel your relationships with the women on the cast have changed?
Naturally, friendships are going to ebb and flow. There will be highs and lows. You’re going to have moments where you hate each other or are absolutely in love with each other. That’s what friendships and relationships are about. Being vulnerable and showing that humanizes us a little bit. We’re going to have moments we’re not proud of — that we maybe step out of line, act out of character — and that’s normal and very human. It’s hard to show those relationships because there are multiple relationships. I used to be very close with Demi. I’m not anymore. I wasn’t close with Miranda, and now she’s one of my best friends. I think it’s awesome you’re able to show different dynamics within this group. It’s drama-filled obviously, but there’s also genuine deep relationships within this group, and it’s cool to show that.
You’ve spoken in the past about your own relationship with faith. Do you feel it’s added pressure to your relationships with some of the other women?
I don’t worry about it that much. I know there are women in this group who are still active members, and I think that’s amazing for them. I just personally don’t align with the church anymore. I converted to the church when I was 16 and I honestly didn’t have a lot of knowledge on some of the things within the church. Sometimes I get some confusion; I have a lot of people of color who will reach out to me and say, “Wait, you were Mormon?” And I’m like, “I wasn’t aware of some things. OK?” Now I am, and that’s one of the reasons why I’m not [part of the church anymore].
At the end of the day, I have nothing but respect for anyone in whatever religion you practice, it’s whatever makes you happy. It’s so personal – your relationship with God. If you’re a good person, that’s all that matters at the end of the day. If you’re a good person and you try your best to be kind to others and love one another. I don’t think whoever you pray to or whatever you do at the end of the day is important. Just be a good person.
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The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives is now streaming season three on Hulu.
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