Comedians Bowen Yang and Matt Rogers honored the best, brightest, and dumbest (complimentary) in pop culture at the fourth annual Las Culturistas Culture Awards, which made its television debut tonight, Aug. 5.
Both a send-up of, and winking tribute to, the splendor and ridiculousness of industry awards shows, Yang and Rogers started the Culture Awards in 2022, spinning off the bit from their hit podcast, Las Culturistas. For the first three years of its existence, the Culture Awards were put on as a live-only show in New York City, mainly featuring Yang and Rogers’ friends and peers in the comedy world.
But this year, Bravo secured the TV rights for the Culture Awards, allowing for a more amped-up affair that was taped at the Orpheum Theater in Los Angeles last month. Yang and Rogers hosted the show, which featured a mix of celebrity guests, musical performances, and, of course, bits. Lots of bits.
As for the awards themselves, Yang and Rogers cast a hilariously broad and irreverent net. The categories range from vaguely legitimate (“Today Show Award for Excellence in the Morning,” “Best Movie of All Time,” “Oh This Body? It Stays Keeping the Score Style Icon Award”) to delightfully ridiculous (“Borders Award for Store That Should Come Back,” “Moon Award for Shining Brightly,” “Filet Mignon Award for Best Beef”).
The nominees themselves are similarly all over the place. For instance, “Record of the Year” features mostly songs that did, genuinely, come out this year, including Lady Gaga’s “Abracadabra” and Addison Rae’s “Diet Pepsi,” but also Aerosmith’s smash 1998 ballad, “I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing.” And in the running for the “Lindsay Lohan in Parent Trap Award for Twins Excellence,” Michael B. Jordan gets a nod for playing Smoke and Stack in Sinners, along with “Lisa Kudrow – Friends/Frasier” and “Soap operas – evil and normal.”
While the inanity is, of course, the charm, when you really get down to it, the Las Culturistas Culture Awards does raise the question: Is handing out prizes for “Best Title for the Next Bridget Jones” and “Song That They’re Absolutely Blasting at Trader Joe’s” really anymore ridiculous than pitting famous people against each other at the Oscars, Emmys, Tonys, and Grammys? We think not, which is why we’re proud to offer a full breakdown of this year’s deserving winners for all 100 — yes, 100 — categories at the fourth annual Las Culturistas Culture Awards — ding dong!
Most Iconic Building or Structure
Universal Helios Grand Hotel, a Loews Hotel – Epic Universe
Gobi tent – Coachella
The Coney Island Cyclone
Lumon Headquarters – Severance
Mirror house, “Abracadabra” – Lady Gaga – SNL
Best Vibe, Hands Down
Japan – All
The Spirit Tunnel – The Jennifer Hudson Show
Top chef: Canada
Seth Meyers
Doechii
Best Movie of All Time
Tár
A Star Is Born (2017)
Gagachella Bootleg from Videomoon.cn
The Incredibles
Nutty Professor II: The Klumps
Social Change Moment of the Year Sponsored by West Elm
Gagachella
College Students do what they’ve been educated to do
Jojo Siwa continues to evolve
Zohran Mamdani press tour being somehow not cringe
When a gay celebrity writes a children’s book
Kindest Greeting
“Stop!!!! Ahhhhhhh!!!!! Oh my god!!!!!!!!!!!!”
“Oh, you’re here? Then I won’t leave”
“You just got off a plane? I refuse to believe that because you look so amazing.”
“Okay, shirt!!!!”
“We’ve met several times and I remember!”
Best Breakfast
Egg Mcmuffin
Yogurt and berries
A banana if you don’t have really time, necessarily, to do a whole thing
Crab cake Benedict
Just a black coffee I’m actually intermittent fasting
Best Lunch
Half soup (tomato) half salad (Caesar)
Fries and Caesar
Half soup (tomato) half grilled cheese (American)
Pret a Manger (UK selection)
Free
Best Dinner
Chicken parmesan
Korean food – all
Tahdig
“I actually heard the burger is really good here” (it’s 46 dollars)
You get home and your new lover cooked for you, again. So far, they are amazing.
Best Beverage
Dr. Pepper
Whole milk
Martini that you order by saying “filthy” with way too much sauce
Big airport Essentia
Celsius
Moon Award for Shining Brightly
Michelle Williams – Death Becomes Her
Michelle Williams – Dying for Sex
Sarah Sherman in a wig
Dreamworks moon with the boy on it who fishes
Chase Sui Wonders – The Studio
Sun Award for So Fuckin’ Hot
Lucy Dacus
Cate Blanchett
Dr. Orna Guralnik
Bad Bunny – Calvin Klein
Coffee that your new lover just brought back from the store and oh my god he should have told me this was gonna be so hot? Things are starting to go south
Filet Mignon Award for Best Beef
Ribeye
Miss Piggy defending herself using the art of karate
Hilary Duff vs. Faye Dunaway
Benito Skinner – Overcompensating
Bulgogi
Canada Award for Canadian Delicacy
Alanis Morissette
All dressed chips
Maple syrup on a stick on ice
Bowen Yang – age 8
Celeste Yim – age 21 (got legal and moved to US)
Worst Sticky Feeling
Jolly rancher on hand, hate that.
When you touch a child’s hand and it’s like, “What was that?”
Various surfaces at Sephora. Women know about that.
Toiletry bag after a long flight. What is that? What is that?!
That one you still have for your ex. The relationship is over now, even after all that.
Borders Award for Store That Should Come Back
Delia’s
American apparel
Radioshack
Hale and hearty
Quiznos. But now we’re hearing it might still be around? Let us know.
Sport We Would Love to Know More About
Pickleball, since y’all are so obsessed…
Women’s rugby. WOMEN’S
Men’s cheerleading. MEN’S
Nike
Volleyball (bunch of guys in the park, can’t tell how many are gay. How many are? That is the big question)
Best Gift for Mom
Necklace
“Glow” perfume by JLo from 2002
Card you signed for your sibling as well because god knows they weren’t taking the initiative
A shirt and the size you choose feels like a trap (your mom is a narcissist and you can’t win, never could)
A grandchild, despite the fact that the world…. Lol anyways
Best Gift for Dad
Golf
Rather nice pen
Apple Watch
Evergreen ticket to the Sphere – Las Vegas
Book about war he already owns
Best Gift for Sibling/Cousin
Earrings
Onesie for a baby you’re almost positive they have
Blank journal that says “I know nothing about you, fill these pages”
Bottle of sauvignon blanc from corner
“Vintage” shirt which is really just something you hate that you got from your mother, who is also their mother/aunt
“In This House, We Believe In” Award for Best Yard Sign
“Beware of Dog”
“For sale – Bonnie Salati for Re/Max”
“No soliciting unless you have a big fat ass and a great warm smile”
“In this house, we believe: Black Lives Matter, Women’s Rights = Human Rights, No Human is Illegal, Science is Real, Love is Love, Diversity Makes Us Stronger, and Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere”
Technically not a sign but a themed flag for the season like pumpkin, bunnies, etc. So you know what time of year it is when you glance upon the sign
Best City – Up and Coming
Bentonville, AR
Sayville, NY
Saskatoon, Saskatchewan
Reykjavík, Iceland
Oh, trust! Whatever city I’m in? I got all the boys up and coming!
Best City – Established
Epcot – Walt Disney World
Sin City
Gotham City
Sim City
Oh, trust! Whatever city I’m in? I’m establishing connections… with the boys!
A.K.A Award for Other Way to Say That
“They passed’ aka they died
“She did the damn thing” aka she did well
“Doing the deed!” Aka knocking boots aka kissing and more aka sex
“You freaked that!” Aka you did well
“Smashed it” aka someone did well – British
Walking Home Alone Award for What Women Have to Do
Purse (heavy, too big)
Purse (so small not functional)
Just go talk to him to make sure he’s okay
Learn about “toxic shock syndrome” and then worry about it until you die
Heels on the grass at a wedding
Hypochondriac Award for Illness We Think We Have This Time
Norovirus
Fungal infection/staph infection
Depression that apparently requires ketamine the way y’all do it…
Strep, again
This is not a sickness but my foot is broken
“Right Hand Arm… Man” Award for Nicknames
Best friend
Confidante
Silly rabbit
“Jules” for Julia
“Queen Bey” for Beyoncé
H.A.G.S. Award for Abbreviated Thing to Say
Devo (devastated)
Defo (definitely)
Tktk (later we are going to get to this but not right now)
Dyhawhtm (did you hear about what happened to Marie?)
RHOSLC (???)
Trans rights award for stuff you can’t take away from us even if you tried
My Diet Coke!
This fat ass!
My dignity!
My Netflix!
My water bottle on the plane! You got what you wanted… the water. Now let me have the bottle for my collections…
The secret to life
Fuck a funny nerd
Forgiving your mama
First thing, every day? Water
Work out every day, even for two minutes – Donatella Versace – Vogue 73 Questions
Dance like everyone is watching and they’re simply obsessed
Best Alternative to God Bless You
Oh! Do you have allergies?
Do not sneeze on me, I cannot get sick this week
I’m an atheist but good luck with that
That was me yesterday!
Saloo!!!! (not salud, saloo!!!!)
Best Way to Be Together
Conjugal visit (for when one of u in prison)
4eva
Blood relative family reunion
In a row
Respectful
Best Damm Bird
Lovebirds, cuz you know, they are in love
Daisy Duck
Articuno
The one Nelly Furtado is like
Thief who stole my mother Katrina Rogers’s sandwich, aka the original doll
Grief of the Year
Avatar 2: The Way of Water
Bowen’s birthday was the day after the 2024 election
The boat episode of Succession
When we thought for a second the pervy lil bro died on White Lotus from the protein smoothie
Paige left Summer House
We Could See Boop! Award for Best Thing to See
Boop!
John Proctor is The Villain
The new flick from that cool young director at the Angelika aka Sorry, Baby by Eva Victor
Sweat tour
Molly Gordon in anything
Woman of a Certain Age Award
Jenna Ortega – 22
Dame Helen Mirren – 79
Queen Elizabeth I – Elizabethan Age
Betty Boop – timeless
Winona Ryder – The Age of Innocence
Harshest Truth about Wicked
Ableism, and as a result, bullying
Racism, and as a result, bullying
The mom cheated on the dad – adultery
Fascism as a result of bullying
Pfannee not realized, we don’t get into his gay story (what was that like? Was it hard coming out or was Pfannee born wealthy? Prequel idea about this.)
Worst Animal to Find Is Hiding in Your Home
Opossum
Raccoon
Human (nasty person you barely know)
Possum
Buncha lobsters
Most Reductive Way to Note That a Gay Man Is Speaking
“Bit fruity, eh??”
“That f*gcent tho”
“He so zesty”
“We at the network love his sass”
“Niche”
Best Title for a Book
The Upstairs of the House
Twilight (she freaked it with that)
The Bible 2: The Squeakquel
Conflict Is Not Abuse (you can learn a lot from just this title)
Oh This Body? It Stays Keeping the Score Style Icon Award
Zendaya
Shrek
Anna Wintour
Dracula
Dr. Orna Guralnik
Cover Our Bases Award for Thing You Have to Admit Happened This Year
Law and Order: It Ends with Us
Karla Sofía on CNN
Adrien brody spit his gum out at the Oscars, threw it to his date and Matt and Bowen were in the shot
“A minoooorrrrrrrrrrrrrrr” at the super bowl
Subway Series, we think?
“I Love You” Award for Best Three Words Together
Pizza is here
Pink Pony Club
Welcome to Hawaii
You’re my friend
It bears repeating
Docusign Award for Technology That Moved Us Forward
Ring camera
Chromecast
When phones touch tips and something ~happens~
Share password
Stanley cup
Best Title for the Next Bridget Jones
Bridget Jones 5: Oops All Bridgets
5bridget5jones
Bridget Jones: Oh No She Betta Bridget
Bridget On: All or Nothing
Bridget Jones to Terabithia
Today Show Award for Excellence in the Morning
Jenna Bush Hager
Sex, at times
My girl Nanda at the coffee shop that I see each day
Bodega guys that call you “boss”
Muffin
Flirtiest Thing You Could Ever Say
“You can sit by me.”
“Text me your number, so I have it”
“Fuck me tonight”
“Can you hold my shirt if I take it off?”
“Do you want to go to a Broadway show tonight?”
Song That They’re Absolutely Blasting in Trader Joe’s
“I Write Sins Not Tragedies” – Panic! at the Disco
“Into the Groove” – Madonna
“Rich Girl” – Gwen Stefani
“Higher” – Creed
“Rich Girl” – Hall & Oates
Hunger Games Award for Best Huge Franchise
Boop!
Shrek
Crest
The Hadids
Yo Gabba Gabba!
Lindsay Lohan in Parent Trap Award for Twins Excellence
Michael B. Jordan – Sinners
Josh Sharp and Aaron Jackson – Dicks: The Musical
Lisa Kudrow – Friends / Frasier
Zooey Deschanel (married to a twin)
Soap operas – evil and normal
The Sweat Tour Award for Best Live Indoor Performance
The Sweat Tour
Brat Tour
“Killah” – Lady Gaga – SNL
Boop!
Bowen Yang, Lady Gaga – “No More Slay” – SNL
The Greatest Showman
Sutton Foster
Cole Escola
Jeff Goldblum
Kermit the frog
Miss Piggy
Album of the year
Mayhem – Lady Gaga
Am I the Drama? – Cardi B
Now That’s What I Call Music! Volume 7
Stripped – Christina Aguilera
1989 – Taylor Swift
Artist of the millennium
Miss Piggy
Boop!
Pamela Anderson
Jack Antonoff
Mulan
Most amazing impact in film
AI, unfortunately (and we can tell when it is)
Kate Winslet hat intro – Titanic
Music and scoring in film
Jeff Goldblum’s chest – Jurassic Park
Paul Giamatti, blue paint – Big Fat Liar
Best Batman woman
Poison ivy
Dr. Chase Meridian
Catwoman (Michelle Pfeiffer)
Robyn (spelled with y. This is the Riddler’s assistant Robyn whose scenes were cut)
Catwoman (Anne Hathaway)
Allison Williams Cool Girl Award
Lisa Rinna M&M
Lisa – Blackpink
Lisa Simpson – The Simpsons
Lisa from Temecula
Paige DeSorbo
Jamie Lee Curtis Award for gusto, enthusiasm and individuality
Benson Boone flipping
Gagachella
Womencrafts Provincetown
Julia Fox
Monstro Wlisasue
Best news we heard
Lorde is performing tonight at Washington Square Park
Sarah Sherman hired at SNL
Simone Biles is up next!
There was a scary accident but everyone is okay. In fact, they have all made friends as a result of their experience during the accident
They found our bags!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
There is a big sale at our favorite store
Creatine award for straight male excellence
Bad Bunny – Calvin Klein
Sebastian Stan – various
Senator Bernie Sanders
Andy Samberg – various
Jack Antonoff – co-author of “Manchild”
Record of the year
“Abracadabra” – Lady Gaga
“Diet Pepsi” – Addison Rae
“I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing” – Aerosmith
“Massachusetts” – Jensen Mcrae
“Soup” – Remi Wolf
Most thrilling threat
“Do that again!!!!!! No, do that again. I dare you.”
When a parent counts “1…….. 2!!!!!!……. 3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
“What if we kissed?” (and you are not attracted to the person)
“You remember Amanda, right?” (you don’t)
“If I ever see you again, I’m gonna kill you”
Most uncommon accident
Knife falls on foot while running knife to your friend who asked “if you could bring that knife over here”
Holding phone in mezzanine at a broadway show like Boop! and you drop phone and it hits someone’s mother
Eat watermelon seed and it grows in your stomach, exploding all your organs
“But… he’s gay! Excuse me, he’s blind”
I was eating a Greek salad and it was spicy? I had to go to the hospital and have my stomach pumped. This was last week.
Best new artist
Domingo
Dr. Victoria Frankenstein
Eva Victor
Miss Eggy
Gabby Windey
Casamigos margaritas award for things to enjoy anytime, anywhere
Fanny packs, any decade
The phrase “if you stay ready, you ain’t got to get ready.” – anonymous
Podcasts
Not a flash mob. Please let me know when you’re gonna dance.
When my new lover looks me in the eyes, oh dear god, i’m at the point of my relationship where i just can’t keep my hands off him.
Best word to whisper
“so?”
“sleep”
“fuck”
“here?”
“never”
Best word to scream
“guilty!”
“now!”
“taxi!”
“gaga!!!!!!!!!”
“never!!!!!!
Wingdings award for excellence in symbols
Grindr app mask indicating sexual interest
Little fire on a menu indicating spicy
Little peanut on a menu indicating peanut
White smoke from Pope building indicating new Pope
“Green Light” – Lorde
Best gay guy – normal
British
My friend Lukas
Low-key jacked nurse
Understanding Palm Springs Airbnb host
Jared
Best gay guy – famous
Jonathan Bailey
Andrew Scott
Andy Cohen
Tramell Tillman
The one you’re thinking? Him.
Best gay guy – somewhere in between
Fire Island Pines bartender
One with 25k followers
Pop star makeup artist
Jimmy Fowlie
The incredible Pat Regan
Eva Longoria award for tiny woman, huge impact
Boop!
Sabrina Carpenter
Quinta Brunson
Toad – Mario
AOC
Pop crave award for excellence in journalism
Kaitlan Collins
George Clooney
Steve Kornacki (the other election, not this one)
Amelia Dimoldenberg
Conclave (2024)
Father award
Mark Duplass
Andy Cohen
Barack Obama
Mark Ruffalo
JJ. Abrams father of Gracie Abrams, which Barbra Streisand found out
Daddy award
Adam Brody
Freddie Prinze Jr.
The men of The Four Seasons
Ricky Martin
Dad from Inside Out that gay Twitter is still wanting to bang out and same
Circus award for stop being weird
Well, the circus, of course!
Hinge date
Person obsessed with being poly but is single
If you’re still like “I’m a hufflepuff” like gimme a fucking break for christ’s sake
Airbnb hosts and the locks they choose
Best 2023 moment
Barbenheimer
Eras Tour
Chinese spy balloon
Ariana Madix tears Sandoval up
Gwyneth Paltrow skiing lawsuit
Best laugher
Brittany Murphy
Katie Gavin – Muna
RuPaul Charles
Elphaba Thropp – Wicked
Spongebob
Best crier
Rachel McAdams
Demi Moore
Galinda Upland – Wicked
Lauren Conrad, black mascara tear – The Hills
Timothée Chalamet wearing gay guy shirt crying gay guy tears – Call Me By Your Name
Tina Turner legend award
Audra McDonald
Clairo
Melissa Etheridge
Monstro Elisasue
Cecily Strong
Song of the summer
“Flowers” – Miley Cyrus
“Espresso” – Sabrina Carpenter
“Party in the USA” – Miley Cyrus
“Graduation (friends forever)” – Vitamin C
“Sweet Caroline” – ???
Famke Janssen name award
Charlie Puth
Mariska Hargitay
Dr. Victoria Frankenstein
Betty Boop
Madison Beer
Best Way to Ride with your bitches
“Show Stopper” – Danity Kane
Acela quiet car
Carpool after swim practice and we get slurpees
Big van that housewives get on to go on trips
Your new crush drives you to the airport. They will never do this again.
Shhhh don’t repeat this award for rumor we are making up
Hailee Steinfeld speaks 7 languages and is a certified genius
Football isn’t real
Andrew Garfield is dating Melissa Joan Hart
Bowen yang leaving SNL “at some point”
When you mix purple and gold you get black
Most Matt Rogers coded award
Soup – all
Discovering FKA Twigs in 2024
Colorful suits despite colorblindness
Long Island but also Florida iykyk
Kate Hudson
Most Bowen Yang coded award
Stew – all
SAT words in casual conversation
Nintendo switch drops
Puzzlingly single (makes you ask……. What gives?)
Glasses with points of interest
Best note ever sung
“Eh” in “every night in my dreams” – “My Heart Will Go On”
The battle cry – Elphaba – “Defying Gravity”
“Sometiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiimes” – Charli XCX – “Rewind”
“Freeeeeee” in national anthem (but not the way she’s been acting…)
Barbra Streisand “You” in “You can show” from “Tell Him” duet with Celine Dion
Scariest moment in history
Discovery of fire (had to be nuts)
Paige DeSorbo leaving Summer House
Drones over New Jersey (we never figured this out btw)
Skibidi toilet
Hereditary – lil diva head come off
Shot we are shooting in this moment
Cher on Las Cultch
Celine Dion on Las Cultch
Barbra on Las Cultch
Oprah on Straightiolab
Taylor Swift
Reneé Rapp award for power in lesbianism
Probably your grandma even though she was married to your grandpa for fifty years
Women in film crews wearing hard clothes to do their tough job
Miss Honey – Matilda
Muna
Carabiner
The Cowboy Carter award for best live outdoor performance
“Sunset Boulevard” – Sunset Blvd.
Cowboy Carter
Rachel Zegler – Evita
Bowen Yang feat. Matt and Celeste “Apple” dance – Coachella
Chappell Roan – music festivals
Best thing you texted your high school friends about
Sarah had a baby and it’s twins – congratulations Sarah
Sarah bought a house – huge year for Sarah
White Lotus – so good!
I am so sad to hear that Sarah got divorced
Sarah is a happy lesbian – congratulations Sarah
Best hand moment, excellence in hands
“Hands” – Jewel
Lady Gaga “put your paws (hands) up”
Sarah Sherman as Nosferatu
Aidy Bryant (if you watch her work, she really does make a lot of interesting hand choices)
11 minute applause breaks – Cannes Film Festival
People magazine’s sexiest man alive
Daniel Dae Kim
Dylan O’brien
Dylan Efron
Boston Rob
Tramell Tillman
Best picture – literal picture
Dylan Efron butt in air
Luigi Mangione reveal
Lisa Rinna M&M
Walton Goggins during Sam Rockwell’s crazy ass monologue – The White Lotus
Picture of horse that a child drew
Santa award for being unforgettable
Daisy Duck
Toad – Mario
Sarah Snook
Gagachella
Rosie O’Donnell – And Just Like That
Titanic award for monoculture
Rotisserie chicken
Miss Piggy
The White Lotus
The letter “S”
Wicked
Most beautiful name for a daughter you haven’t even thought of yet
Purell
Gasolina
Michelin
Vendetta
Stevia
Most iconic exchange of words
”Defying Gravity” intro – Ari and Cynthia
“High Body Count Hair” – Angie Katsanevas
“Does he make you laugh?” “He doesn’t make me cry” – Ocean’s Eleven
“Does he gag you?” “He doesn’t clock my tea” – meme of Ocean’s Eleven
“But I thought the old lady dropped it into the ocean at the end” “Well, baby, I went down and got it for you.” “Awwwww, you shouldn’t have” – Britney Spears – “Oops!… I Did It Again”
Outfit of the year
Demi Moore’s yellow coat – The Substance
Timothée Chalamet – Knicks game
“Protect the dolls” t-shirt
When a pretty girl gets coffee in just sweatpants and tank top
Lisa Rinna in whatever the fuck she wants
Finalist of the Year
Dr. Orna Guralnik
Gabbriette
Delta Work
Boop!
Meghann Fahy
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